Reminders on Being

Found this list in my journal from my Birthday this year! Thought they were worth sharing! Enjoy!



Accept what is with gratitude and faith

Embrace Life

Find and do what you love

Trust more Deeply

Resist self criticism and self judgement

Think less, Be More

Learn to let go ON COMMAND

Practice discernment in speech and thought

Become the master of your mind and emotions

Don't re-act: Sit, reflect, breathe and respond with discernment and grace

Live in the present: Let go of the past: It lives ONLY as long as you feed it

Liberate your mind by letting go of stories and perceptions

Trust in the flow to bring what needs to be

Don't interfere with what is: Allow truth to reveal itself: IT ALWAYS DOES

Forgive yourself as you forgive others

Accept that somethings can never be understood: especially other people's actions

Find your SELF & Never let her go again!

Never let anyone else confuse you on your own values and needs

Never compromise your values

Remember you deserve integrity and honesty

Choose carefully, consciously and with great discernment who and what you take into your body, life and community

Awaken to the joys of your wild side: drum, dance, sing, be in nature, play pointlessly

Live courageously: take more chancs: jump into the unknown with passion and zest for the mystery it holds

Live fearlessly as if today is the last day of your life!

Reflection on a Year of Change

For some reason, February is always my real new year. It's always the time when things start to really feel fresh and alive again within me. January is more of a stewing time, ideas and intuitions are churning but usually January is a time of such maintenance level work that the newness doesn't really get birthed until February. I am finding myself again in Costa Rica this year reflecting now on what has proven to be one of the most challenging years of my adult life.

It was February when I made the choice to exit my relationship of 7.5 years, and now, a year later, I am finally feeling inspiration return, and in new ways that I am happy to allow space for and cultivate. It has been a year of deep introspection and a lot of turmoil and chaos. Some of the most intense pain I've ever experienced inwardly has softened me, not hardened me, and for that I am so grateful. I feel like I can speak and be in a place of wisdom and truth when I share with others what heartbreak and mental turmoil are like because I really allowed myself to sit in and with it all. I accepted it all and bore witness to the reality of what was, and it wasn't so easy!

Now, a year later, I feel more ready to move forward resting in the knowingness that I did not run away or hide from any of it. I moved with authenticity and respected my heart even when I knew doing so would open me to being hurt more. I learned the power of vulnerability and the grace that comes from grief and loss. I challenged myself to keep opening my heart and showing up in the truth of what I felt, not to run away, not to shut down, not to cut and sever, but to integrate the experiences of grief, loss, heartbreak, betrayal, deception, disappointment and all the myriads of emotions that came with it all from insecurity to depression. Now, I am at peace with it all, with what and who hurt me, and with myself for giving myself permission to be real with myself every step of the way, even when it wasn't pretty or "cool." I won't say I'm proud of every moment of it, but it is clear now that I learned from it all and that the lessons I learned are invaluable ones we all must learn if we are to grow up and mature into our higher, wiser selves. It couldn't have been any other way for me to really get what I needed to get!


Last year, thru recurrent dreams I was having of wild cats and domesticated wild cats while I was in Costa Rica, I birthed a vision of working with women to help other women reclaim their own power and primal essence. The dreams were so powerfully clear that my soul was calling for a break from domesticity, and a way back to the true untamable free essence that is my nature. In one dream, I birthed a litter of cats that were sort of alien felines, and went to pick one up and it clawed at me and attacked me. I had to kill it, then run and lock the door to escape the others as they all turned wild on me, the one who had birthed them. In another dream, the land I was working on allowed poachers to come and kill a big beautiful tiger for money to survive, a representation of selling my soul and passion for "security and money." In another a panther was on a leash like a dog, beaten and subdued, looking pathetically dis-empowered. It was dream after dream like this, screaming at me to look deeply at what I was trading for the illusion of security and comfort. I knew my life had to change and it was these dreams more than anything that pushed me towards change.

Out of this, awareness came to me that I had much work to do to reconnect myself to myself and to the Wild Feminine Essence that the Feline energy was so clearly representing for me in the dreamtime. Being who I am, I love to share the journey and learn with and from others, and so the vision that began to germinate was to bring forth opportunities for other women to take the journey with me and see what we find and how we can support and nurture each other thru this experience. Being in nature was (is) so powerful for me every day to reflect and watch and listen to what the ultimate "wild woman," Mother Nature, had to share with me. Reconnecting deeply to nature, her cycles and vibrations was one of the most healing elements of my journey, and remains so.

That desire, to share and support other women on their journey back to self, brought me into journaling my process in a blog (that I have yet to release), as I know that someday, some woman may read my story and find solace and support in their challenges. If my journey home can help one other being to find themselves home within, I have done a great service and can leave the planet knowing I made some kind of difference.

As I sit here now, with the waves crashing on the shore down below me, and the cicadas chirping it up, I am reflecting on all the pieces that have fallen into place perfectly to bring me here now to this place of feeling re-inspired and reconnected in a new way to my purpose and passions. It was just a few days ago that I completed, with two other awesome facilitators (Sofiah Thom and Una Paradox), and 10 participants, a 5 day long retreat entitled, "Awaken the Wild Woman Within." The retreat was wildly successful overall and in it's afterbliss, I am having some much needed down time to reflect on my year and my own passage back to self.

Truly it has been an epic year and when I look at the goodness of what all the pain has brought forth in maturity, wisdom and depth, it's hard to be anything but grateful for the journey.

My life is moving forward, and the love of my life is becoming once again my self. Tonite I sit here with a glass of wine celebrating the arrival of this moment, to be able to feel strong, OK, safe, powerfully vulnerable, competent and capable of overcoming my own demons and fears.

I am in love with life, totally in bliss in this beautiful place overlooking the ocean and nestled into the jungle and my heart is bursting with the desire to share and serve in any ways I can!

Blessed nite! A celebration of the spirit!

Creating a Practice You'll Love

Please bookmark the new Blog site for more specific Recreational Music Making Sharings!

I just finished a week long retreat working with 12 other women in Costa Rica in which every day we danced, played music, practiced Hatha Yoga and shared our stories. One of the workshops I offered was called "Creating a Practice you'll Love." This is such a vital piece for an individual to continue growing and evoloving in whatever their art form is, and for the retreat we did, it felt to me so integral as a way to support the women in taking the practices we shared home and keeping momentum in their daily lives.

Practice is how we become. It can have many forms, and my definition of it is really more about connecting with source and self and allowing some time for that connection to deepen and mature over time. It is valuable and so vital to maintaining our passion and purpose in our lives.

Creating a practice you love requires a few simple external pieces:

1. Creating a space for your practice: free of distractions, kids, pets, phones, and computers. A place where you can really be alone and undisturbed.


2. Carving out the time for your practice: For some of us that's 15-30 minutes, if you have the time, I recommend an hour even if part of that time is just settling in, having a larger chunk of time allows for a deeper practice, but start with what you can commit to realistically.


3. A practice Journal to write and reflect on your practice and how it has affected you or what your frustrations were getting there and how you overcame them, but a special journal that is just around your practice.


4. Giving yourself Permission and requesting that from others in your life who may need to understand your need for not being bothered or disturbed in that time, perhaps your spouse or child.


5. Sacred Environment: Choosing music or silence, incense, candles, etc that help to facilitate the energetic space you are wanting to drop into

Internally, creating a practice you love requires a little bit more! If you already have a strong practice, ask yourself how much joy you are really getting out of it. I don't mean just satisfaction that you did your practice, I mean joy and inspiration! Do you leave your practice feeling excited and hungry for the next one? Are you practicing your passion or what you think you should be practicing?

If you fiind yourself stuck or stagnating in your practice, try these tips:

• Try a new space, perhaps go into nature and allow it to inspire you for a few days a week or more, or rearrange your practice space, pick a different room, etc. Buy a plant or change the decor a bit to bring life into the space.


• Switch it Up: Try something different, if you love to play drums but you haven't danced in a while, use your body to connect to the rhythm and see how that changes your relationship to your instrument. Try doing what's not as comfortable and familiar in your practice, step out of your box and make yourself grow, even it it feels akward, do it for that very reason!


• Expand and challenge yourself: Go take a class or a workshop or find a way to be in community with others who share your passion and to learn something new to bring into your practice that is challenging and makes you feel fresh and WOWed.


• Practice with others: Have a gathering and bring others together to practice, even if there are different forms going on, say you are a dancer, bring some other dancers and a few drummers together and practice together, others often inspire new ways within us


• Pray when you practice: use it as a way to move energy and manifest your heart's desires


Lastly, it's OK to take a break sometimes for a short period of time to allow for newness to come thru. Sometimes space is the only way to get to that next place. Becoming rigid or attached to our practice being a certain way is not a healthy way to allow for creativity to flow organically, and is often what gets us stuck so explore allowing your practice to be just being, and listen to what may be waiting to speak thru the space of letting go!

Enjoy!

Happy Valentine's Day: Practice Self Love

Arriving back in Costa Rica just two nights ago, I am already shifted into remembrance of how necessary and nurturing it is to have true quality time alone with nature and stillness. I am quickly remembering the value of deeply listening to the voice of the inner self by allowing and enjoying time away from the "world" and all of it's demands and expectations.

This Valentine's Day I am rising back into love with myself and I invite you to join me on the return to the deep heart space of self care and self reflection and appreciation. We spend so much of our lives caring for and catering to other people's needs, demands and requirements, especially for those of us who are women. We have a strong tendency to be sure others are cared for first and foremost and often leave our selves at the end of the line. By the time we get the time and space to consider our own needs, we are so exhausted by taking care of the others in our lives that we can't even remember what it was we actually needed! Give yourself to yourself this year and romance your self FIRST! A candle lite bath, a massage, a special treat, maybe even a quiet nite alone with a fire is in order rather than seeking outwarad or looking to someone else to romance you, find that divine romance within and cultivate that depth of love for yourself that you so often offer to others!

I am preparing to start the Awaken the Wild Woman Within Retreat here in Costa Rica with a group of 10 women who are heeding the call to reconnect deeply to their own passion, power, purpose and to listen to the strong clear voice that lives within us all that is our most authentic self. I know that this coming week with these women will bring much forth for all of us, presentors and participants alike. Our own heart connection with ourselves and the divine are the most valuable and long lasting romances we can have, and calling forth the passion and pleasure within ourselves does nothing but make us more attractive, sexy and pleasing to others to enjoy basking in our radiance!

Happy Valentine's Day and I pray it is your own treat to yourself to romance your own authentic love for YOUR SELF!

Bliss of Being

Bliss of Being
When I play
I am alive again
The joy is instant
the passion's power tremendous
Flowing thru me like waves of grace
I am in bliss

The Bliss of Being
when hand strikes skin
rhythm begins
And I remember my true purpose
is for this...

Heard or unheard
I arrive at myself
Present
Empowered
Passionate
alive
Pulsing perfection

A Sharing from my Friend

I received this beautiful email the other day from a sweet fire muse brother I've known for many years..

It touched me deeply.. and I asked him if he would be open to me sharing it here, and he was. I hope you enjoy it and feel the heart of devotion opening in yourself!

Greetings friend,



Today, I invite you to take a moment and celebrate with me. Celebrate a day that is not determined by the rhythms on the outside, but which emerged from the rhythms within. Today, I celebrate 500 hours of music practice in this single year. This count, kept meticulously on my iphone, does not includ gigs, NWR jam sessions, teaching, etc. It’s time spent one on one, me with my instruments. As the 500 hour mark approached, I began to feel some depth of importance, some real sense of growth centered on this milestone. I wondered what I might do to mark the occasion, and it occurred to me that this moment, more than most other holidays, is particularly special to me, and that I wanted to share it with you.



When I practiced today, I roamed appreciatively through various compositions, occasionally branching off into delightful flights of fancy, and often returning to those thickets of untamed wilderness that demand the hope and sweat of disciplined focus. All was going well, and as is often the case, I played my way through a wide range of emotions- living, as it were, a day in the life of my drums.



When the 500 hour mark arrived, I stopped and closed my eyes. My heart was instantly filled with gratitude and I was flooded with an awareness of the bright blessings of my days. I saw the long path behind me, ever weaving my way towards a pattern of living that would provide all that it takes to make this kind of adventure, this practice, possible. What a great and glorious boon it is, I thought, to be able to study like this, to have time like this, to have a vehicle like this, and to have friends with which to share in its fruits. I reflected then, on all my teachers. I heard their names and saw their faces pass before my mind’s eye. With each one, the gratitude within me grew. I could feel them inside of me, their passions wrapped around my own, their own tireless practice woven into the very roots of my musical soul. And what of their teachers? The river of gratitude stretches beyond memory. Gazing into this stream, I felt that I had drunk from these waters and have now been forever changed by them. They flow within me.



It was at this point that I felt a sharp pain beneath my shoulder blades. At first I thought it was the familiar ache of sitting, but it quickly occurred to me that this feeling was a part of the moment. I suddenly knew what to do. I pushed my tablas forward and knelt before them, my forehead pressed to ground, my hands touching the base of each drum. The pain was instantly gone. The feeling in my heart burst forth through my mouth in waves of, “namaskar, namaskar, Aum, namaskar,” and, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” As I lay there, I had a vision.



I saw Ganesh, the elephant-headed remover of obstacles and maestro of tabla, a radiant, but translucent presence seated before the gates of the universe. With the stars and the galaxies arrayed behind him, I heard this idea: some are born into this world as Mozart, Einstien, or Jimi Hendrix, and some are born as worms, or frogs, or other creatures that have no dreams or means to grow them. There is no way to measure the distance, for the beginning is not ever at hand, nor is the end as clear as it seems. That thing you call your birth was only a moment, but you who practice are born again with each new day. And as you and your art are united, all that is outside, and all that is inside, become one.

So it was, this brisk day in the depths of December- a holy day, I feel. May this light that shines in me, bring some warmth to your path and open the way for your own journey. Whether you travel outward or inward, may you become what you are looking for.

Wild Woman's Wisdom

Wild woman
You are
Like a strong fire
That rushes
All over my
Entire body
Wild woman
I love the way
You kiss me tonight
And I can feel you holding
Me tight
Wild woman
Wild woman
Wild woman
See you next time
I am glad that you were
Mine tonight just for a
Little while

Aldo Kraas
====================================

The aspect of the "Wild Woman" brings up so many images and concepts to explore, and as this year's "Awaken the Wild Woman Within" Retreat approaches, I am feeling called to listen more deeply to my own callings and stirrings within that have been whispering, singing and at times screaming to me to get my attention. In modern culture, the wild part of all of us, man and woman alike, has been almost discouraged from having it's full or even fair expression. We are taught to be "good" children, obedient, and to do the "right" thing, even at the cost of our very souls sometimes. We are, in modern culture, taught that wildness is something to be tamed, subdued, quieted and kept contained very carefully in the dark places of our subconscious minds, dreamstates or fantasy realms. Wildness is looked at as "crazy" or "intense" and is so often, especially for women, given strong sexual connotations. "She's Wild," or "wild thing," etc.

In a lot of ways, being wild is looked down on, or thought of as immature or not being "responsible" in the world. And to me, that is a sad reality in the modern world. Wild things are kept in cages, they are unsafe, unpredictable by nature and as such aren't to be relied on. There are volumes to go into here on the reality of what "civilization" has done to wild women (who were, at one time, labled witches), wild cultures (African, Native American, etc), wild animals, and wild places. There is a deep seated fear of the whole concept of the wild, both within us and outside of us.

In January of 2010, I started to have some pretty interesting dreams while working in Costa Rica. In one dream, I gave birth to a litter of kittens, and when I went to pick one up, it turned into this crazy wild animal, biting me and almost alien like in it's intensity and I had to throw it down and lock the door lest it destroy me. In another dream, there was a big beautiful tiger that someone had killed for money in the jungle I was living in, and a huge panther that had been domesticated and was on a leash, miserable in it's domestication. For three months, I had dream after dream in this vein, many of them involving cats, and all of them having this theme of wildness domesticated, or a wild animal being domesticated... and from these dreams came the realization that there was/is a part of myself that is calling to be free, calling to be honored and expressed: the wild nature of the feminine was calling to me thru the dream worlds.

And, so when Sofiah and I started talking about doing a retreat for women this year, it was these dreams that were a part of my personal inspiration for bringing women together to work with the deeper, subconscious, primal aspects of ourselves that aren't "societally" (or even "spiritually" sometimes) accepted, acknowledged or even totally unveiled yet.

Being in touch with our "wild side" is really, in essence about being in touch with our authentic selves, our deeper selves, the part that plays out it's fantasies in dreams or in the dark mysterious places of our deep subconscious. What if, instead of being ashamed of our primal pulses (lust, jealousy, magic, shame, guilt, fear, etc) we could find ways to look deep into them and find jewels there? Therein lie the teachings of compassion and/or the voices of our untamable expressive spirits just waiting for us to give them a chance to move thru us. Movement, play, art, drumming, and reflective time in nature are some of the most powerful means known to the human being to access and channel the subconscious into the superconscious. This is what "Awaken the Wild Woman Within" is all about!

My hit is that by unveiling these pieces of ourselves, and integrating them with the same kind of respect we give to the beautiful, bright pieces of ourselves, we become more whole, more natural, more comfortable and more real in the world. And, by doing THAT, we become examples of authentic, expressed beings who can then inspire the same in others.

A wild woman is fearless in being totally herself, expressed fully in integrity with her passions and deeper truths, and unintimidated by those who find that expression threatening or too real.

A wild woman is in love with this life, and in love with all parts of herself... even the shadows for they give us our deepest teachings.

Wild Woman Sharings from Sofiah Thom

It’s important with any practice that we allow ourselves to let go of our thoughts and emotions, so we can be an open channel for our authentic expression. In the beginning when I am paddling, my thoughts are more active, once I allow myself to move through the monkey mind, there lies a stillness underneath. The gentle rocking of the Ocean helps magnify the stillness within.

I surrender to the great life force and I am moved, through sound, breath and inner vibration, I float on my paddle board and become one with this great life force that is me.

I am reminded how important it is to create the space in our daily lives to connect to our inner selves, to let go of the monkey mind and be at peace with who we are deep within.

I feel this is relative to our retreat coming up in February, Awaken the Wild Woman Within, for me, this retreat is about allowing ourselves the space to express our authentic selves at all times. Before we can be an open channel of pure consciousness, we must accept all of aspects of ourselves, including the ugly parts we may have repressed, it is time to free up the emotions, allowing them to release.

We are perfect as we are, we all possess a primal, instinctive, powerful nature which wants to be seen and heard, in order to be whole and happy as we walk through our lives, we must accept and express all of our parts of our inner nature.

I hope you can join us tapping into our power and expression, connecting with our raw passion and authenticity as we Awaken the Wild Woman Within.

Gratitude I AM

A little something I wrote before anyone arrived in a few moments of cherished solitude on the Day of Gratitude I hosted at Muse Home Nov 20, 2010






Gratitude I Am

Sitting with sunlite streaming into me
The mists floating
Gently hovering above the stillness of the lake
Hiding the mountain tops
Shadows of trees melting into their sensual embrace

Gratitude I Am

Tears of acknowledgement flowing
for every step of the journey that has led me
Here Now

Quietly reflecting on this life
My heart has been busted sweetly open
Again and again and again

Tears of rage have brought me compassionate understanding
Fears of losing have taught me the richness that I Am
thru Vulnerability's bitter but sweet deep kisses

Gratitude I Am

Depression has taught me the mysterious ways that darkness calls forth lite
Anxiety has shown me to rest thru exhaustion's paralyzing inertia
Grief is still teaching me the preciousness of each moment
Grief reminds me to listen less
to fear, depresssion and anxiety's strangely seductive songs

Gratitude I Am

Dancing mind births surrender into stillness
The lines on my face etch my time passing
like a wild tempest wind
Fast and furiously earth shaking

This home allows me to be the grace I am thru the sharing of space that is my bliss

Gratitude I Am

For the passing of cycles
Fall into winter
Forgivenss into compassion
Anger into Soft sadness
Stillness into Divine Union

Gratitude I Am

For the friends who have listened to my stories
Again and again and again

For the mother who carried me in her womb
gifting me this life
to be challenged
to be overjoyed
to be witness and witnessed

For the creatures great and small
that amaze and captivate my heart with awe
The four leggeds and winged ones
The creepy's and the crawlies
The enchanted ones of the sea and the underworlds
For this earth and all it's abundance and ever unfolding magic

For the gifts of rhythm and song
And all that they have allowed me to experience as bliss in union with Creation

Gratitude I Am

For my unbalanced intensity that humbles me
when it rages thru me like a tidal wave
reminding me my work is far from done
Reminding me that I am

For what some call my "overexpressiveness" and all that it represents
as one being being real and authentic in this under expressed society
where so many are afraid of truth and heart felt sharings
For the facade that I refuse to wear that "societal" appropriateness dictates

For the scared insecure little girl
who is as much me as is the Warrior Queen
As fearless as I am, so too are the depths of my fears

Gratitude I AM

As above, so below
For the duality and it's suffering nature
reminding me to discipline myself more to choose acceptance of what is

For this home I sit in now and all that it has already been home to
love, life, music, community and warm fires..

For the teachers in every being I meet
For this moment now

Quietly sitting with sunlite streaming into me
The mists floating
Gently hovering above the stillness of the lake
Hiding the mountain tops
Shadows of trees melting into their sensual embrace

And tears flowing like sweet nectar
to soften all of me into the
Gratitude I Am

Women's Wisdom

Last night's Women's Wisdom Prayer Share was such a clear and sweet reminder of why I am so committed and in love with being together in creative community! Each of us is so blessed with powerful life experiences and each of those experiences teach us a piece of wisdom that we sometimes just sort of tuck in to our selves without thinking much of it. When in circle and someone pops open, and the tears come, it is a rare and special opportunity for us to reach out and share our nuggets of wisdom with that person and that has been happening so beautifully and organically at the Women's Prayer Share that Muse Home has been hosting!

Having the lovely Una Viggiani, visual artist and facilitator, who is also working with me on the retreat in Costa Rica (Awakening the Wild Woman Within) with us last night allowed the women to express visuallly the gratitude and embodiment that we are cultivating as we move forward in these times and for me definitly brought up my fears and insecurities around visual expression. Ooh..

I am so grateful for the community of women, not just here in Boulder, but worldwide who understands and values the heartfelt work of transparent sharing and baring of our hearts and souls. I honor you.. sisters of the world..