Excerpt from Chapter 1: The Lost Connection

Symptoms of a Lost Connection


“Outside of our skin
We can begin again
To Merge
To Touch
To Know Another as we can Know Self…
Reaching Out
Reaching In
I Begin Again….”
Cheri Shanti, 2002m

One of the truths of our time is this hunger, deep in people all over the planet for coming together into relationship with each other.”
-Mary Caroline Richards


It seems more and more when I share with my friends and family, there is this underlying feeling of being “overwhelmed” in life. Life is “crazy” or “too much,” or “I can’t keep up,” just seem to be normal every day phrases I hear everywhere I go. In the grocery store, on the phone with people I know, walking by someone on the streets, or in the café, I hear it everywhere. Life is moving fast, technology has us frying our brains with cell phones, computers, TV screens and constant bombardment from wireless frequencies in every café, home and public building, and the demands on our wallets are increasing faster by far than the wage increases. The media is filling us with images of death, destruction and global devastation and rarely reports anything positive that inspires us. Our world is at war, the future for our children is intense and scary, global warming is imminent and many of us seriously wonder if our government is indeed a democracy “By the people for the people.” The people are, for the most part, so overwhelmed by trying to survive that few notice or have the energy left to care, much less be active in trying to change things. Plenty of people feel and live in the reality of “Me against the world” in their minds and feel the effects of isolation and “individualism” to it’s extreme.

Depression, anxiety, and what I personally have begun to call “Overwhelm Syndrome” are increasingly common in all ages of people today and create an increased feeling of “aloneness” in those who suffer from it. The World Health Organization says that depression is among the leading causes of disability worldwide, an estimated 5.8% of men and 9.5% of women world-wide will experience a depressive episode in any given year, and an estimated 121 million people world-wide currently suffer from depression. It is estimated that between 10-25% of children suffer from one or more mental illness today. Approximately 18.8 million American adults have depression and more than 19 million American adults have an anxiety disorder according to the National Institutes of Mental Health. One of the most commonly shared experiences in those suffering from depression, anxiety and overwhelm is the feeling of being “lonely,” or isolated, or the feeling of not fitting in with the way the “world is.” Breathing Space of Scotland says, “This comes with living in a world where certain "ways of being" have come to be expected. You might feel isolated if you cannot celebrate or show part of your identity.” In addition, a lack of opportunities to "get involved or “participate” contributes greatly to a sense of worthlessness, aloneness and isolation.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" I just had to quote a well-known Beatles song. I share this feeling of being perplexed at the sheer volume of people who are dealing with feelings of intense loneliness and depression in America. I personally know dozens of people, with seemingly normal and fulfilling lives, who are taking medication for depression. These are only people I know PERSONALLY. I can only imagine what the statistics are for this country as a whole.

Twenty years ago, I rarely heard of depression. Now it is an American pandemic. I believe this phenomenon is a product of our society and overall mindset. We are conditioned from childhood to be fiercely individualistic and self-centered in order to survive. We are taught that the basis of a meaningful life is personal achievement. In many other societies the welfare of the whole community is the focal point, and cooperation is the means to the end. In American society, the success of the individual is most important, and competition is the means to the end. Deep and meaningful relationships (love) with other people are second at best on the list of our priorities. They are often never wholeheartedly sought and or given the extraordinary amount of time and effort we expend towards personal achievement. If they are developed, many often fade from neglect.
Loneliness and feelings of isolation are widespread in our society for a reason: We ARE lonely and isolated, if not physcially then emotionally. Our hearts won't lie to us, they hurt for a reason. They are being deprived of the most meaningful thing in this life at the expense of the most meaningless.”
Neville Palmer

As Neville makes clear, we don’t need a psychologist or sociologist to tell us that the modern world’s way of life has taken a toll on the human experience. We can all find examples of it’s effects in our lives if we look around even a little, or maybe, if you’re like me, I only have to look in the mirror some days to see it. We have lost, for the most part, a sense of community and of “belonging” to something greater than ourselves in the rush for survival and independence.

The good news is that depression, anxiety, community deterioration, lack of social participation and all of the conditions of modern culture, are able to be transformed on all levels with attention and intention. In my experience, it is the human connection that heals beyond any pill, drug, or procedure. It is the human connection that we have lost and it is the human connection that must be re-connected to move us forward.